You made me cry and you don't even care
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
