the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
