It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
