I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize