I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize