there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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