My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
