You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How does one acquire holy water?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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