don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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