They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
