thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
