Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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