why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
