very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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