I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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