my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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