So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
