R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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