my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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