he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize