saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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