if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
