Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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