lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
