When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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