Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
