What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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