And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize