Buhtt sex?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
