Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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