All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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