Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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