Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
