there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
