just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
