What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
