Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
