he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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