have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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