I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
