That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
