the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
