I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
