Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
where are you?
Hypothermia
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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