idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
