tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
