Your dad touched me again.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
