connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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