Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
