Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
