Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
