Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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