All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
