we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize