i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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