I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
