Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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