I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm having to shit out rocks
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