are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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