can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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