I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
