Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
