why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
