She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
