..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
