According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
