Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
