Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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