Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
