Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
