make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am available for nakedness
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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