Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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