If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
farters have to be the big spoon...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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