I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize