Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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